Brotherly Love

[chimeramimicry]

I'm almost too late.  I can feel the surge of air in the room before I even pry open the door.  We're up at the penthouse level, the suites.  It's high enough for the broken windows to suck the doors closed.  I'm breathless when I push my way inside.  I see the scuffle.  I hear Nathan's labored breathing.  I have no idea what I do exactly.

It goes back to a time when I lost Nathan.  I was young when my brother went off to serve his country in the Navy.  We're thirteen years apart.  It's a lifetime, really.  I didn't understand that my brother would not be there to wake up to anymore, or to climb into his bed when the monsters came.

The monsters have come again.  One in particular.  One I'm not strong enough to fight.  And yet, he leaves Nathan to me. Badly wounded, hardly breathing, sure.  But alive.  I can almost feel my knees give out as I scoop him up to my chest.  I should go after Sylar.  But I can't move from Nathan's side.

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[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I freeze terrifed that I've pushed Peter too far too soon. I stammer for a moment trying to explain my request and then I freeze again. Did I make a mistake telling Peter the truth.....will he understand why I want what I want.

"I want...you...inside me," I finally say my face flaming scarlet, "I like....when other people top me."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

I understood him the first time. My arms fall from around his neck to my lap, eyes unable to look away from him. He's giving me information that I neither want, nor have the ability to process. I feel the corners of my mouth jerk up involuntarily. "Top....what?!" He wants sex. He wants me to put my... Inside of him...? I shake my head, standing up quickly.

I need a drink. If only I hadn't gotten rid of all of the liquor.

"You," i say, already in the hallway, "have no idea what you're talking about. You need to rest. I mean it. You might be having a reaction."

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

My mask slips into place without me having to think about it really. I went too far asking Peter to make love to me. The fact is that I'm scared too, I've never had someone do that to me because they loved me and I trusted them.

I get up and follow Peter over to the window wrapping my arms around him from behind. "I'm sorry, " I mutter softly.... "I shouldn't have asked for you to...it's just I...it's what I've dreamed of."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

"You never thought to ease me into things...you only ever think about yourself." I ask him, feeling my temperature rise. He was just through a trauma, we had just made up, but that's no reason whatsoever for me to give into that greatest of sins...just because he wants me to.

Even now, everything is about Nathan. I can't help but think if he had simply guided me into it, kissing me, touching me, it probably would have been all right. I go along with things easily enough.

But now that he's asked... I feel like I'm going to explode again and not in a good way. Still, I let him hold onto me. I want him to. It's such a conflict.

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

"No I didn't think about you," I reply honestly, "and that has got to stop. I guess I just assumed, but then I remembered what a huge step this is and pulled back."

I sigh, hating how unsure of myself I feel right now. Before these powers, before Sylar everything made sense, Peter and I touched a little more then we should have, but we knew the line and we didn't cross it.

Now I at least want to cross that line but Peter is still unsure of what he wants. If I want to get to the point I'm comfortable with I have to go slow and easy.

"This is your show Peter," I explain, "in the bedroom in private you are the one in control not me, if you want kisses then that is what you'll get until you're ready I promise."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

I want to give into him, I really do. It's easy to follow Nathan's lead...been doing it for twenty-eight years now, letting him do to me as he wished. The idea that I get to be in control is an intreguing one. I turn around in his arms and gaze into his eyes, so much like mine, yet so different.

Can't we just go back to the way it was before? I know that's not possible. Sylar's still out there. I have only a moment of time to spend with Nathan before I have to help bring the man down yet again.

Nathan's a little taller than I am, and I lift myself up on my toes ever so slightly to press a kiss against his lower lip. I just want to be normal. I want him to hold me.

And I want him to sleep. I put my hand in his. "You should eat. I should eat. I'll go get Chinese."

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I kiss Peter back gently and nod. We do need to eat then we both need to rest. I have no plans on letting Peter face Sylar alone, I can't. We do this together the two brothers, the two leaders.

I know I won't sleep when he leaves, I can't there are too many plans to make, too many thoughts running around in my head that I need to make sense of.

"Okay Pete," I say, "maybe some food would help settle us so we can start working on a way to stop Sylar."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

Thank God for flying. It's late now, allowing me to slip right out of the window and onto the fire escape. I take off into the sky as Nathan watches and I offer him a smile that is far more certain than the way I am currently feeling.

Greasy food and alcohol is exactly what we need and I buy both in large quantities though I know I will not be drinking a lot of it and Nathan probably shouldn't drink at all as he's a recovering alcoholic.

I see the folly of my ways early on, once I've returned home with my precious cargo to eat picnic style in bed. We're both drinking far too much than is healthy right out of the gate. "Remember when we use to do this? When you came home from college on the weekends sometimes we'd have picnics like these."

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I'm gently buzzed when Peter asks me that question, AA be dammed for tonight and my smile is open and easy. "Yeah I remember, back when you asked me questions about girls and flirting and how to ask someone on a date without choking," I say spooning up more sweet and sour pork.

"I miss those days you know, back when things made sense and you and I weren't trying to kill each other."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

"I wanted to be cool like my brother. Mom said you had a girlfriend when were ten years old. I was what? Eleven or twelve? I didn't want to fall behind," I murmur, knowing I'm tipsy. Nathan usually takes drinks out of my hand at fucntions for his campaigns or for our parents. He's never let me have too much, especially after Heidi's accident. I wish he'd take this third glass out of my hand and finish the cheap whiskey for me.

My life's been about playing catch up to Nathan. I let the thought slide comfortably out of my hands as I feed him some lo mein from my chopsticks. This, in my mind, is normal. I blush a little, however. Tonight's the first night in my life where I've realized that our normal is everyone else's in love.

"And we haven't tried to kill each other in a few days."

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I laugh and lick my lips reaching over to grab Peter's drink and finish it. "What can I say I have charm and I wasn't afraid to use it even at ten years old," I say.

I am more then buzzed now and part of me wants to steal a kiss but I lean back and grin at Peter. "So you never told me how did my advice work out?"

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

"Terrible," I breathe, snatching back the glass to pour another third for myself. I like the way that this makes me feel, I like how easy it is with my brother. Nevermind that we've kissed. Or that he's asked me...

More liquor!

"I remember Mary Jane dumping her milk on my head... I've never been good with relationships."

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I snag one of the bottles and drink right from it, I guess almost dying makes you want to kill off a few brain cells because I still haven't remembered I shouldn't be drinking.

"Milk....ouch," I say trying my hardest not to laugh at Peter, "all I told you was smile at her and ask about her day or something like that."

God Peter looks good all loose and open like this, I don't even remember the last time I'd seen him like this....or been this way myself for that matter,

How twisted am I that this is my idea of sexy.

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

I don't know what's going on in my brother's head. I lost Parkman's ability somewhere along the way this time around, but I have no desire to have it back again. I like having to guess, it makes life...more fun. I feed some more noodles to my brother, leaning in to kiss him as if it's an after thought.

He pauses. I pause. There's a thin layer of grease between out lips, but that just makes it better. I smile, my hand resting on his arm as I sip at my drink. Maybe I'm trying to get drunk. It feels good. I feel safe.

Nathan's got that way about him.

"Let me try again then. How was your day?"

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I smirk after he pulls away from the kiss. He really has soft lips and the grease just makes them even easier to kiss as well as harder to pull away from.

"Oh I don't know, almost died for the third day in a row....I'm beginning to wonder if someone down there hates my sorry ass."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

"But we keep bringing you back," I breathe, finishing my glass and setting it aside. I can't hold onto my chopsticks, my glass, and my brother. And right now, the food and Nathan are more important than the liquor. Nathan might end up finishing it all on me if I'm not careful, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. "I'll crawl down to hell and bring you back if I have to."

I'm waxing poetic right now. My fingers slip into his hair as I nibble at his lips, the chopsticks sliding from my fingers as I sigh against his mouth.

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I pull back and look Peter right in the eye. "Peter I know you love me...but I want you to promise me something...please don't bring me back again....three years of close calls have taught me that maybe I'm meant to die young.

I know it will hurt like hell to lose me, just like it will kill me if you die before I do...but I promise I'll wait for you....for however long it takes I won't go anywhere until you come to me."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

This warm, happy, fuzzy feeling is absolutely gone as I stare at him. How can he say these things to me, especially now? My heart is aching. Bleeding. It's all I can do to stand staying here with him.

"No!" I didn't mean to shout. Or to get so angry. The alcohol is ruining my perspective, I know this. I hope, deep down, that he knows it too. "I will always...always...al..."

There are tears on my face. I can't believe I'm crying over this.

"I can't lose you again."

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

I pull him back to me tears staining my own face. It hurts to say these things and I'm terrifed to even think about death like this. But one of my fears was dying with saying good bye to my loved ones.

"I know you don't Peter, I know, but I want you to know what my wishes are...Ma won't understand. I just.....I want...."

I press my forehead to Peter's letting our tears mingle.

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

"I want us to stay an us. No more me and you, separated." I'm never been dishonest with him, but this is the first time I've ever come out to say anything quite like this. I know he'll understand. He's got to. I can't think of living for a moment more without him.

The way he's looking at me, the moment I draw back, makes me heart nearly stop. I deftly take his hands in mine and squeeze him tightly. So very tightly.

Our eyes match. In color, in intensity, in tears. "Don't make me live without you." I know that this is all hypothetical. But he nearly died on me today. He's brought up feelings in me I can hardly deal with. I can't think about his death.

[prezstandsalone.livejournal.com]

"I promise Peter, I'll fight to live as long as I know you're with me," I say swallowing a sob. I love him so much that my heart feels like it's going to explode.

"It's you and me forever, however long that is for us," I say, "I'm never doing anything without you again."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

I manage to make a mess of things, my foot kicking out at the remains of our dinner as I clamber towards him. I need to hold him, just like I need him to hold me. I can clean up the spill on the floor later. It was all I needed, those words.

If I wasn't willing to be his, and only his, before this moment, I am now. My heart's pounding in my chest as I kiss him. It's not the soft kisses we've been sharing that afternoon, but something more, something terribly concrete. I shove my tongue into his mouth, moaning when he sucks on it. I wrap my arms around his neck tight enough to burst us both.

My God. I love him.

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