A Long Trip Home

[chimeramimicry]

The door is two yards away but I can't move from the top of the stairs.  It's been months, four or so, since I've been here, in this spot.  Gone were the days of trudging up the stairs with my satchel on the way home from work because my building's landlords refused to fix the elevators properly.  Gone too was the pleasure I had of returning to this apartment I paid for with my own money and not from my trust fund.  I donated all of that to charity the moment I turned twenty-five and finished paying off my loans to school.  It was two years ago.  It feels like forever.

I'm not the same man I had been.  I'm not a child anymore.  At least, I want to think that.

I'm still clutching the photograph of my brother and I in our tuxedos.  There's a smudge on it from my thumb and full of creases.  I've not let it go since I opened that box containing everything that I am.  Everything I was.  I left Ireland without looking back.  There was, there is only one thing on my mind.  Nathan.

Nathan.

Nathan.

I know he's here.  I've always felt a connection to him.  Mohinder Suresh called it part of my empathy, to feel things like that.  Funny to be so empathically linked to someone I spent my whole life pining for, who has always had a life to live without me.  He's never had time for me.  Never.

"Just walk, Peter," I whisper to myself as I move to a door I have not touched in a long time.  I swallow.  And knock.  I know he's in here without knowing it.  I almost lose the nerve to knock.  Please answer, Nathan.  Please.

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[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

It's so simple. Just a reading of the ceremony. An exchange of rings. The flowers were a nice touch though, I'll admit that. I'm still clutching them when I've said my part in the whole affair. "I do," in front of my witnesses and the Justice of the Peace and my brother. To my brother. I look up almost shyly into his eyes when it's his turn to repeat the lines.

I almost can't wait for the kiss. The Justice is old, taking his time with the pomp and circumstance. I'm almost bouncing up and down in my white pumps when he finally announces: "I know pronounce you man and wife. Kiss your bride, senator."

I don't notice the paparazzi, all curious to find out who this woman with one of their top end state officials. All I see is Nathan. Officially, my name is Paige Petrelli to those gathered.

But I'm still me underneath, and it's that cheeky six year old that my big brother is kissing, not the woman pregnant with his children. It's taken twelve years to get this far. I suppose that's fitting. Nathan had to wait twelve years until I was born and I had to wait the same to accomplish my dream.

There's applause, but my attention is on my lover, my brother, my husband only.

[law-anddisorder.livejournal.com]

I suppose I should have known how quickly the media would be alerted to my near-shotgun wedding, being a United States Senator and all. But cameras flashing and reporters sticking their microphones in my face are a welcome distraction compared to my mother's attempted sabotage.

I smile brightly into the cameras and say a few words to hold them over as I lead my new wife down the steps of City Hall and across the street to my car. Slice and Peggy both follow behind us and after giving Paige and surprisingly me crushing hugs, get into the car that I have waiting for them to take them to the restaurant I've selected for lunch.

Paige eases herself into the passenger seat, and I get into the driver's seat, turn the ignition over, and place my hands on the steering wheel. The platinum band on the third finger of my left hand catches the mid-morning sun, but nothing shines more brightly than Paige's face as she leans over and rests her head on my shoulder.

"You got your wish, Peter," I say softly, turning her face towards me so I can give her the deep kiss I really wanted to give her after the Justice pronounced us husband and wife, having opted for a more appropriate one in front of the cameras. "You married your brother!"

And I married mine.

I laugh, and so does she. More of those happy tears spill from her eyes, and I kiss them away with gentle touches of my lips. "I would have never believed it could happen. But now I know that with you by my side, anything's possible. You changed my life, Peter, and I'm going to show you every day how much that means to me. I love you."

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

Nathan wasn't lying either. Our honeymoon was spent in New York, at our house, mostly naked the entire time, though we were not always in bed. Though we are in the city, the high walls of the back garden and the upper terrace provide some protection from voyeuristic eyes, though on two separate occasions, our house guests walked in on us during a bought of sinful, fulfilling, kinky sex.

Some of which was taped so I could watch again later as he fucked me again. Henodistic paradise though our home was, Nathan still had to go back to Washington. A week after our marriage,and the story of his pretty new wife had finally left the newspapers and television, he went back to work both downtown and in DC.

When he came home to me, it was never smelling like another woman. Never tasting like too much alcohol. It worked. I shut off his need to cheat and to drink himself wasted. Now he could have wine with dinner and just have one glass. Or get through a stressful day with fruitjuice and not whiskey.

And our nights together? Christ, so much passion. Poor man, I wear him out.

A month passes and Peggy and Slice are able to move out. Nathan's gotten them respectable jobs at his old law firm getting paid quite a bit of money to do what they use to....serve people coffee and take down notes.

I can't hide my pregnancy anymore, but that's all right, I don't want to.

Another month and we pass a check up with flying colors. I'm five and a half months along at this point, huge as a whale. Peggy and Slice have just left our home after dinner and I'm tired. "Nathan," I whine as my brother looks through some sort of bill or legal document. "My back hurts. Your boys are kicking my spine again."

[law-anddisorder.livejournal.com]

"My boys?" I laugh, looking up from the insignificant matter of business I'm perusing over my half-finished glass of wine. "Why are they only my boys when they're trying to take you apart from the inside?"

Paige tosses her head back and laughs. She's so beautiful. Her pregnancy has put a permanent glow on her face, and she's let her hair grow out even longer. She's gained a little weight everywhere, and in two months her belly has grown so large I'm almost afraid to make love to her. She insists it won't hurt them, and I'll take her word for it; I still can't get enough of her body, pregnant or not.

Only when she smiles and looks into my eyes, like she is right now, can I still see my brother in there. I know he's in there, but I've spent so much time these past two months thinking of her as Paige, my wife, instead of Peter, my brother.

When I really think about how much my brother is putting his body through for me, even with his healing ability, I'm even more thankful that he was able to forgive me and help me become a better man. He's loved me more than anyone else in my entire life, and he's taught me how to love myself.

I toss the paper down and stand behind Paige, press my fingers into her shoulders to work out some of the tension. She leans back into my touch and gives a soft sigh of approval. "You want me to run you a bath? I picked up some of those bath salts you like. I could even join you if you want. If your huge belly leaves enough room for the water," I tease, kissing the sensitive place behind her ear. Everything that used to turn my brother on still does my wife, at least.

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

At least his arms still fit all the way around me. I wouldn't be able to sleep if he wasn't touching me like this. I turn towards my brother -- he is still my brother moreso than my husband simply because that bond can not be broken by any means, legal or otherwise -- and wrap my arms around his neck. "That tub is large enough for Peggy and Slice to join us too."

He arches an eyebrow and I have to laugh at him.

"That wasn't an offer!" I'm about to playfully chide him when he lifts me in his arms. Once upon a time, I hated being the weakling, the effeminate little brother who just wanted to sit in his room all day and read comic books. I started doing track. Working out. Proving that just because I was short and pretty, I was still a man.

Now, I let him carry me whenever he wants, head on his shoulder. It's a comfort I refuse to give up for the next few months.

Two and a half, if things work out right, and my children will be born. And then we'll have diapers and school and a whole mess of responsibility.

"I'm going to start on the nursery tomorrow," I murmur. Nathan will be in Washington for the next two weeks and while he can and will fly up to visit me, I know he'll be working on a new bill and will be busy being a senator. "I decided to go with the green and peach."

Such a mundane conversation. And I love it.

[law-anddisorder.livejournal.com]

I take her slowly up the stairs, all the while pressing kisses into the side of her neck. "I'm sure it'll be lovely. You always had such great taste. You always picked the best superhero characters," I laugh. She pinches my nipple through my shirt for revenge.

She can't quite tell that I'm cheating a bit with my flight ability; even though she's only five foot four, she's gotten a lot heavier over the past two months. I love being able to care for her like this, but I need to make sure I don't throw my back out. That's hardly a way to impress your fellow senators when you can't even stand up straight.

Paige stands completely still while I slide the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let them slide down her arms. The fabric falls away from her breasts and rests on her belly. Her breasts are even fuller and incredibly sensitive to touch.

I nuzzle my face into them and murmur, "I'm really going to miss these when you change back to yourself."

After a few more moments, I'm holding Paige close to me, my hand slowly circling over her belly, both of us unclothed. I feel one of my children kick my palm, and my heart swells with love for them. I'm looking forward to the day when I can actually see the two beautiful lives the love between my brother and myself have created.

I try not to think anymore about the terrible prediction my mother dropped on our heads on our wedding day. Nothing that comes from Peter could ever hurt a living thing, and I only hope his inherent goodness is enough to cancel out any of my shortcomings these children may inherit.

The bath fills with warm water, steam rising from the surface, the scent of the bath salts permeating the air, a calming mixture of vanilla and lavender.

"Here we go, beautiful," I say, lowering us into the bath. Paige immediately curls up against me, and the completeness I feel at this very moment is like nothing I've ever known.

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

"You can have them any time you want them," I tell my brother as he continues to fondle me. We can actually bathe later but right now, neither of us is interested in that. "When the boys are born, when I can actually manage to switch genders..." Well imagine that? Brother by day, saying the world one old person at a time as a hospice nurse. And at night, being a mother to our children. Attending senetorial functions. Being a wife and a brother all in one package.

Nathan never has to wander because I can be everything for him and everything for myself and everything for our children, all in one go.

It's a typical evening after that. I love the taste of my brother's cock and I sit at his feet after our bath while he perches on the bed and suck him off slowly. He twists my sensitive nipples and I'm tempted to half hump his leg. What a thought!

Afterward, mostly because he's growing increasingly afraid of injury to the kids, he fucks my ass...like for old time's sake. I might not have a prostate, but I still love the feeling of being stretched there. It's a mutually beneficial for both of us really. Besides, I know he misses how I use to be. It's just a little taste of it.

Just a little preview of what's to come when the end of this pregnancy is over.

I'm out with Peggy, Slice, and Slice's new girlfriend Roxie -- who is cute as a button and reminds me quite a bit of Claire -- at a tea room in lower Manhattan on the day I hit the eight month mark. It's rather remarkable for twins that I've gotten this far, though when my water breaks right there, I blink and simply stay seated.

"Paige?" Peggy's hand is on my neck before she takes the tea cup from me. "Are you all right?"

I suppose I should be scared, but I'm not, even if I'm crying. "They're coming."

[law-anddisorder.livejournal.com]

"More coffee, Senator?" the busty blonde waitress who always takes care of me during lunch asks, the decanter poised over my empty cup.

"No, I'm quite all right, Deborah. Tracy, more coffee?" I ask my assistant. That's all she is to me now, nothing more, after last week, when temptation almost grew too strong to resist.

Tracy and I had met to discuss a new motion over dinner and drinks, and I took her back to my apartment to finalize the details, nothing but that on my mind.

Clearly she had other designs for the evening. I could see it in her eyes and the way she was undressing me with them that she wanted me, and I almost let my slightly drunk state overtake me. I stopped her just as she was snaking her hand around my cock, and I pushed her off. "No, Tracy, I can't do this anymore. You know I'm a married man."

"That never stopped you before, Nathan," she cooed drunkenly into my ear, and continued trying to get my pants open.

"No. I mean it. I'm not that man anymore. If the only reason you work for me is to try and fuck me, then I suggest you find yourself another job," I said, wiping her lipstick off my cheek. Fucking bitch, I remember thinking to myself. Trying to ruin everything Paige and I have worked so hard to build.

Tracy just smiled disbelievingly and squeezed my flaccid dick roughly, and said coldly, "What's the matter, can't get it up anymore, Senator?"

"Not for you, you fucking whore. Get the fuck out," I answered, throwing her purse out into the hallway.

That was a week ago. She's calmed down a bit since then, and now we're on a work relationship only. Just how it's supposed to be.

"No, no more for me, thanks," she answers, pushing papers back into her briefcase.

I slide my Amex across to the waitress and my cell vibrates in my pocket. It's Peggy, and she's virtually in tears. "Paige's water broke," she moans. She's scared, and clearly she doesn't know what to do. I hear Paige in the background trying to calm her down.

"I have to go, Tracy. It's an emergency. Let them know my wife just went into labor."

"Sure thing, Senator," she huffs, tossing the tip down on the table amongst the dishes and cups.

Paige's voice is right in my ear then. She sounds totally calm, and for that I'm glad. Nathan, come quick.

"I'll be there soon, Peter," I whisper into the phone once no one is around to hear me. Five minutes later I'm taking off into the bright blue sky.

[chimeramimic.livejournal.com]

"I think my friend needs a sedative more than I do," I say, almost serenely as Peggy holds my hand to her cheek. I'm comforting her more than she is comforting me, but that's all right. I am glad to help, really, as it gives me something to do while I wait for Nathan to arrive.

A normal flight from DC to New York would take half an hour and some change, depending on how long it would be until one arrives. Car would take four hours, train two and a half. And then there'd be driving from the airport or station to the hospital. But I can almost hear the sound of a jet passing above us and I close my eyes, wistfully happy. He's arrived. I don't know how, exactly, I know it, but I do know it.

It's been twenty minutes since the phone call. Hopefully, no one will ask what he was doing that he got here so quickly.

I'm mellow, all things considered, when he takes my hand from Peggy's and nervously inquires about my health and the health of our boys. The doctor grins at us and nods happily to my husband. "It's a little earlier than we'd like with a single birth, but for twins, they've very well formed. It won't be long now."

And that's good because when the next contraction hits me, I almost break his hand.

[law-anddisorder.livejournal.com]

"Okay, Paige, honey, you're going to be all right," I console her as she nearly fractures my hand with her super-strength. Even with her healing ability, her body must be experiencing excruciating pain.

I'm a slight bit worried about what the doctors are going to think once she's had the children and her body speedily recovers. I don't know if the healing is a passive thing, if she can possibly hold it off as not to arouse suspicion. If anything I suppose she's always got Parkman's power to fall back on, though it exhausts her to use it.

And from my past experience with Heidi, I know childbearing is a daunting, draining effort. I feel helpless, but I know just my presence is all Paige needs. I'm her husband. And his brother, too.

No time to worry about any of that now. My heart is pounding against my ribs, and I feel a light sweat breaking out on my body as Paige unsuccessfully tries to hold in a desperate scream of pain. It's been ten years since I've been through this; I missed Monty's birth, but was present at Simon's. Heidi was in labor for seven hours, and by the end of it she was cursing me and threatening to kill me.

Paige knows when things are moving to the next stage even before the obstetrician does, and I see her grasp the edges of the bed she's lying in, her legs spread, her chest heaving, and with a heavy rush of air out of her lungs, her entire face flushes bright red and she bears down with all her strength, which is quite a bit. My eyes go wide when I see she's dented the metal she's gripping. I may love my brother, but there's no way I'm giving him my hand again. Instead I run my fingers gently over her sweaty hair, and try to comfort her as best I can.

The doctor ushers Peggy, Slice, and her girlfriend out of the room, and Peggy calls, "I love you, honey, you're gonna be just fine!"

"Looks like they really want out of there," a fresh-faced intern who's there for the learning experience says to the obstetrician. "I can see the head already."